pipe down, stay under control

The actual caption ABC News gave this picture was Handler and pooch get their hair did. Thanks for being culturally diverse.

The actual caption ABC News gave this picture was "Handler and pooch get their hair did." Thanks for being culturally diverse.

Today is all about the power of rational thinking.  And the apparent lack there-of in the recent news.

I can understand that sometimes you have a real jones for something and you want it asap.  However, if you can’t get it I don’t think that gives you the right to freak out. Or call 911. Just go to Turkey Hill or something, I’m sure their lemonade is better there anyway.

I just can’t believe this girl’s parents would let this happen.  Isn’t there a point where you come to the conclusion that maybe the doctors are wrong?  I can’t imagine letting my kid starve to death because she’s afraid of the dentist. Good grief.

Its not like I’m against technology, but don’t you think that the tried-and-true drawing method would really be best in this situation?  There’s a pretty limited spectrum of choices in creating one’s Mii (mine looks nothing like me). Why limit yourself in something as  important as trying to catch a criminal?


strike up the music, the band has begun

the seer of seers and prognosticator of prognosticators!

6 more weeks of winter? f-you, phil

I know this site is really lacking recently… I don’t know if there really is a drop in interesting news recently, or if its the newfound excitement for my other blog or what… I’m trying my best to get back on track, I promise.

While I certainly can’t claim to feel bad for my daily cup o’ Joe, now I feel like I’m doing myself a service by enjoying that warm goodness every morning.  While I may succomb to gray hairs, I will not fall to dementia!

Unfortuantely the article doesn’t say why he was smuggling these pigeons.  I bet that’s an interesting little backstory.  I hope it was worth the potential 23 years in prison.

You would think this guy could pick a better climate for this time of year to travel barefoot in.  I mean, nice that you’re trying to spread the word of the lord year-round, but jesus didn’t live in the Poconos… you need some heftier outerwear to make it up here in the dead of winter. Good luck, Whats Your Name.

baby come back, you can blame it all on me

This is for real. A watch phone. James Bond called, he wants his unnecessay gadget back.

Sick: This is for real. A watch phone. James Bond called, he wants his unnecessary gadget back.

I’m just so confused by the actions of some of the people in the news today.

Con. Fu. Sed.

Like this woman firefighter.  Aren’t you supposed to help people in this profession?  Instead, she saved this guy’s life, but had to cut off his foot.  To repay him for the trouble of being an amputee, she stole his foot! And if that wasn’t bad enough, she used it for ‘dog amputee training.’  Whatever that is. Hope he wasn’t planning on reattaching it…

And then there’s this guy. His normal partner is nowhere to be found, so he takes the new guy out to work the speed trap for the day. Unfortunately, he later finds out that the ‘new guy’ is a 14 year old kid pretending to be a cop! How do you not notice that? Didn’t he at least have that teenage boy tell-all, the Crustache? He must have.

So… this guy was trapped under he couch for days… and he survived on whisky? What sort of life-saving properties does hard alcohol have? It won’t keep you hydrated, or supress your hunger, or keep you alert… sounds fishy if you ask me.

And finally…do the Japanese really think that a cute little poem (a haiku, perhaps?) will keep people from using as much TP in public bathrooms?  Every little bit helps to save the earth, I guess.

cause i’m bluffin with my muffin i’m not lyin i’m just stunnin

If Cindy read this blog (or knew what a blog was), this would be for her. She still believes hes a secret Muslim.

If Cindy read this blog (or knew what a blog was), this would be for her. She was concerned that he might not have actually had his hand on the bible (secret Muslim that he is).

Sure, what the hell, I’ll do an Obama-themed post.

Of course the whole country, nay, world watched Chief Justice John Roberts and Barack Obama flub the words to the Oath of Office.  But I don’t think anyone considered that this might cause an actual problem. Good thing he was allowed to try again, this time without the pressure of millions of people watching.

If anyone thinks this guy looks like Barry O, they need an eye exam. They’re both skinny black guys, is that it? I just don’t see it, maybe I’m missing something. Good for this guy, looks like he’s getting free meals and all kinds of great stuff out of the coincidence.

My last name isn’t in spell check, but you don’t see anyone writing an article about me.  If this is the biggest obstacle he’s faced so far,God bless him. There are probably more pressing issues waiting for him just around the nearest corner. (Also, I just had to add them to my own dictionary… problem solved.)

skyrockets in flight, afternoon delight

This looks like a book I could really get into.

This looks like a book I could really get into.

Apparently there’s something in my subconscious telling me I need to start drinking more… today seems to be all about the drunken mishaps.

This reminds me of a terrible joke that Debi has told me at least 3 times… I’ll spare you the details, but it ends with, “It’s better to be pissed off than pissed on!” I’m not even sure how I would react in such a situation… probably poorly.

As far as this woman, I’m impressed that she remained in drive and didn’t go rolling off some cliff. At least she was safe, but passing out at a stop sign, really?  How desperately could you need to get back to your dorm? Just sleep over from now on, please.

Lastly, I’m really impressed with this guy’s dedication. I’ve been known to leave mostly-full cups of beer laying around because I want to leave a party or bar at a moment’s notice. Not this guy. Not even the threat of a medical emergency could keep him from finishing his frosty brew. Nice work my friend.

get lost in the night and dance like there’s no tomorrow

I love this letter to Pres Obama... he is pretty skinny though.

I love this letter to Pres Obama... he IS pretty skinny though.

Why are all the interesting news stories today about sex alcohol and drugs? Weird.

This sounds like a pretty horrible policy.  I mean, they do have a point that just because you’ve been drinking doesn’t mean you’re doing any harm, but I can’t imagine that you’re very productive anyway.  I can’t think of any professions where a drunk employee would be better than a sober one…

This. Is. Gross. I realize that as a druggie, you need to get your fix.  But are you trying to tell me that she had NOTHING else to snort her coke other than a used tampon straw? That’s desperation.  I guess she spent all her dolla bills on coke, e, and pot. Tough life.

It’s good to know that, even in these tough times, not every industry is hurting. It is, however, a little more than disturbing that they chose an 80 year old couple as their sample story.  Everyone needs a little love, I guess.

sex reminds her of eating spaghetti

Ill be pres just for the sweet ride. I love Caddys.

I'll be pres just for the sweet ride. I love Caddys.

For anyone who’s feeling a little down because they haven’t gotten any play recently,  just think about this woman and maybe you won’t feel quite so bad for  yourself, at least for a while.  I’m wondering if there’s going to be any guy out there willing to take her V-Card.  That’s 107 years of buildup there, that’s a lot of pressure for one old man to take.  Good luck, who ever you are.

Mads are you trying to warn us with sending this article to me? I know that you’re a big fan of Taco Bell.  And I also know that you’re not really a fan of the big traditional wedding. However, I really hope I won’t be attending a Taco Bell wedding for you anytime soon. Or ever.  I hope this guy bought his new wife a big crunchwrap supreme or something to seal the deal.

If I were this girl, I would be so pissed that this was all my dad thought I was worth.  Specifically, “100 cases of Corona beer, 50 cases of Modelo, six bottles of wine, 50 cases of soft drinks and 50 cases of Gatorade.”  What a gyp. I would at least hope for some high-ticket items, at least some livestock or some jewelery.